My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Farmville is her only friend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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