He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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