maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
