If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
