I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There r osticjed everywhere
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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