I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
