it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
