I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
