The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
