The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
