The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
