She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
