There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
