***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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