My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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