My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
