I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
