I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
