how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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