There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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