Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
