I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
