just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
