I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
