I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
