i just made my gag reflex go away.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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