piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize