So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
