considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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