Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
