Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
