Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
