he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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