I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
