I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
