hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
