Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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