And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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