dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
