His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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