You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
