Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
