all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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