Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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