Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
