eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
