Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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