I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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