i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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