Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
