What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
