I love black thongs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
