yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
