my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
