Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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