I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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