That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
