i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
