There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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