I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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